For God’s Sake, Get That Kid Out Of There!

I don’t know if you’ve heard of Iggy Azalea.  I hadn’t until a few months ago.  For those that don’t know (out living a life and whatnot), she’s an Australian rapper.  I think that says it all.

I came across this video earlier this year and wrote it off as the mildly amusing drek that it is.  By happenstance I came across it again this morning and a thought struck me: “WTF is that kid doing in the video?!”

Please understand, the video is called Pussy–and it’s not a euphemism.  It is a song about Iggy’s genitalia and the enjoyment she derives from receiving oral pleasure–while strolling through her neighborhood dressed like a prostitute, of course.  Anyone who’s followed my blog knows how big a fan I am of trashy hip hop, especially when performed by white female rappers.  Music of the gods as far as I’m concerned.

My only point of contention is that while extolling the virtues of cunnilingus (oh–and drugs), she’s giving a 7 year-old boy a piggy back ride.


First of all, it destroys whatever fantasy she’s trying to sell.

Second, who’s effing kid is that?! Get him off the goddamn set!

Imagine 50 Cent performing Magic Stick while holding hands with a 10 year-old girl.  He’d be jailed immediately.  No trial.  And rightfully so.  This isn’t quite that bad, but it’s like 90% of the way there.

Or maybe it’s just me (it’s not).  What do ya’ll think? (P.S. there’s swears galore in this song.)

The Lunatics Run the Asylum

Richard Lugar

Dick Lugar’s ouster as senator of Indiana marks the beginning of the end of this Republican party. He lost by nearly 20 points–well over 100,000 votes–in a primary…in Indiana.  It was a blowout.  You couldn’t fit the difference in an NFL stadium.

He lost to Indiana state treasurer, Tea Party extremist, and 3-time congressional seat loser, Richard Mourdock.  Mr. Mourdock is a liiitle bit out there.  He defines bipartisanship as “Democrats coming around to the Republican point-of-view.” (If you’re a Republican, imagine a Democrat saying the reverse of that.)  He pledges no compromise on anything at any time for any reason.

He is an automatic candidate for 2012 Fool of the Year–and he may still be a 4-time congressional seat also-ran.  He is extremely vulnerable in the general election.  Obama won in Indiana in 2008.

Lugar was the longest-sitting Republican in the senate.  He’s a mainstream conservative.  He’s respected among his peers.  He had status.  He chaired committees.  He specialized in foreign policy and arms control.  He would consistently beat Democratic challengers by 30 points in general elections, in a purple state (he won his 2006 senate race by over 70 points.  70!).  He was 80 years old and very near the end of his career.

So why couldn’t the Tea party crowd wait to give him the boot?  It wasn’t because he was too entrenched (which he was) or that he was out of touch with voters (which he wasn’t, nationally speaking).  He went down to defeat because he is one of the few Republicans willing to cross party lines (on rare occasions) and work with Democrats to get substantive things done.  Specifically, he worked with Barrack Obama to help prevent nuclear weapons from falling into the hands of despotic regimes and terrorist organizations.

Not even Tea-Baggers are against locking down nukes.  Right?  Right?  Wrong.  Lugar committed the deadly and unforgivable sin of working with Barrack Obama for any reason, even a noble one.  Because to these whack-jobs Barrack Obama’s divine logos inverts that of God Almighty: a thing is evil because Obama says it is good.

Senator-elect and 2012 Fool of the Year nominee, Richard Mourdock

Super-PAC groups like the NRA and Freedom Works buttressed Mourdock with oodles of money and propelled him into victory on the pledge that he will never compromise.   This would push the Senate toward the same sort of intractable gridlock currently paralyzing the House of Representatives.

The general electorate tends not to favor people like Mourdock whose mindsets make the government even more ineffective.  He’s is the kind of guy who thinks programs like Social Security and Medicare are unconstitutional.  And he promises, as senator of Indiana, to stand in uncompromising opposition to the president Indiana voted for in 2008.

It’s a key element of the divide between the extremists controlling the Republican party and the rest of America.  It is the kind of disconnection that dooms the party to failure.  Mainstream conservatives will look elsewhere–albeit not to Barrack Obama–if their needs aren’t being met by the Republican party.  They’ve proven it.  In conjunction with extreme positions on women’s reproductive rights, immigration, corporate subsidies, tax cuts for the rich, and LGBT marriage rights they’re pushing away all but a small minority of closed-minded Americans.

So please spare us the false equivalencies.  This is something that is happening in the Republican party.    And it’s something they need to deal with.  Otherwise, it’s a recipe for failure now and in the long term.

Celebrating Stupidity: The U.S. Constitution Is Whatever We Want It to Be

Witch-hunter and Selma city councilman Dennis Lujan.

A fortune telling business wants to set up shop in Selma, California.

Apparently ‘that don’t go ’round here.

According to pastor Dale Davis, “I do think we have a right to say what businesses come to our community and we as a Christian community, we feel this is not a business we want in our community.”

Councilman Dennis Lujan is not so lily-livered in his opinion, informing the potential entrepreneurs, “You’re not welcome here, period.”

Forthwith, the Selma city council held a standing-room only meeting to craft an ordinance banning fortune tellers from operating within city limits (seriously).  This, of course, is after the council learned that their current ban on fortune tellers was ruled unconstitutional a quarter century ago.

Aren’t these guys always talking about free markets and small government?

Selma is apparently overrun with fool-ass-clowns.  It’s not a new development.

I’ve come to realize, and this Selma side-show clearly illustrates it, that many of these Christian fundamentalists see the U.S. Constitution in the same way they see the Holy Bible: as a confirmation of their personal beliefs irrespective of what the texts actually say.  It’s like the people who argue that taxes are illegal even though it says in the Constitution, quite plainly, that congress has the power to levy and collect taxes and apportion those taxes as it sees fit.

Fundamentalists consider the very existence of lifestyles and opinions they personally disagree with as an attack on their way of life.  So logically, attacking those other lifestyle choices and opinions is simply the defense of their own way of life. Forced vaginal probes impede the murder (as they see it) of unborn and in some instances–yet to be conceived–children. It doesn’t register for them that such a law could possibly be an attack on women.

Ships pass in the abyss.

Okay.  So money out of politics first and foremost, of course.  But whenever we get to the point where we can start really fixing education, we need an emphasis on civics and especially the U.S. Constitution, because there are a lot of people possessed of abject ignorance to what it says, and more importantly, what it means.

Selma.  Salem.  I’m just saying.

Trash of the Titans

I have to begin with the admission that I hated Clash of the Titans and should have known better.

Okay, so the title is not witty at all, but to be fair, last night I did lose two hours of my ever-shortening life watching a sneak preview of Wrath of the Titans (ergo, I’m not wasting what little wit I have on them).

To give some context to those of you that don’t know me, I love movie monsters, especially when they get all rascally and go hometown buffet on unsuspecting townsfolk.

So when I say that Wrath of the Titans is chock full of very cool-looking monsters who wreak all kinds of havoc and it still earned a shoulder-shrugging ehhh, you get some idea of just how dreadful this movie actually is.

This is not as cool as it looks.

Now in the interest of not being entirely negative, the character of Perseus has been developed (in the form of a son named Helius) and is given something of an arc. Rosamund Pike tries her best to make something out of nothing playing Andromeda.  You get to see Zeus in action, which is cool.  And you get an actual premise involving the battle between Gods and Titans in which humanity’s survival obligatorily hangs in the balance.

Other than that stuff just sort of happens.  There’s never any real danger or doubt.  (This is epitomized by the film’s labyrinth scene.  It’s visually stunning and introduces a potential movie’s worth of obstacles both internal and external for the characters.  Conceptually, it rivals Clive Barker’s hell from the Hellraiser movies and could have easily trounced it in execution.  Sadly, the filmmakers never establish a rhyme or reason for this labyrinth, nor do they figure out how the characters might escape it.  They just chase them around in it with various dangers both real and imagined and then it ends.  They’re out.  On to the next act.)

Sam Worthington "acting."

Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes regurgitate long-white-bearded, family-friendly versions of Oskar Schindler and Amon Goth.  Bill Nighy breaks his crazy old bird routine out of the crates one more time.

In defiance of the laws of filmmaking, Rosamund Pike tries to portray a character where none was written.

Sadly, the rest of the cast is flat-out boring.  Sam Worthington continues to have half the charisma of a sleepy Mark Wahlberg.  Toby Kebbell was brought in to play the demigod Agenor because, apparently, Russell Brand doesn’t answer his phone.  The character Andromeda is not only empty, she’s pointless.  Her armies look like holdovers from Troy and Alexander–although for the movie’s purposes they don’t need to be anything more.   Any human characters whose names don’t appear in the opening credits are just food for the smasher.

The Titan Kronos, who the filmmakers envision as a lava-flinging, Godzilla/Balrog turns out to be pretty much weak sauce.  (Here’s a hint:  In the Titans universe big means really, really, really, slow.)  Needless to say, the climax is anything but.

Despite busting out his best Michael Jackson move, Kronos is not cool.

But then again, the entire movie is fluff.

So, if you love watching monsters roar and smash even more than I do, Wrath of the Titans might just be your flick.  For everyone else, making sure that last coat of eggshell white you just laid  down on the bathroom wall dries evenly is probably a more useful expenditure of your time.

$500 says all this stuff was finished before the script.

Into The Margins

The 2012 Republican presidential candidates don't inspire much hope for the future.

I feel like the Republicans are done for in 2012.

As vulnerable (and mediocre) as President Obama has been, the GOP was unable to find anyone better than the murderer’s row of assholes currently working the Primary Season Tour.  Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum suck so badly they can’t even beat Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, or Rick Santorum.  The candidates are tearing themselves apart in an ugly primary conflict that could drag out and irreparably devastate whoever is left standing to accept the nomination.

At least one can hope.

Ron Paul manages to get about 50% of what he says right.  And he’s pretty damn honest for a politician.  Unfortunately, the 50% he gets wrong he gets waaaaayyyy wrong.  I mean, the Department of Education is Unconstitutional?  By that logic so is the United States Air Force and the FBI.  (And I’m not even touching on how he printed (and profited from) a White Power themed newsletter for 20 years.)

Ron Paul has some intriguing qualities. Too bad he's tin shit-house crazy.

But more than any particular candidate’s shortcomings, I think the actual Republican Party has pushed itself out of the mainstream.

They’ve been virulently opposed to women’s reproductive rights since Roe v. Wade and against sensible immigration reform for a decade.  They’ve spewed rhetoric against multiculturalism,  the labor unions, and entitlement programs for years.  They’ve been trying to shove their interpretation of the Bible down our throats since the 1980’s.  And they’ve tried to disenfranchise left-leaning voters since the Nixon era.  None of that is new.

GOP Women's Rights Platform

What is new is that they’re going after all of these groups at the same time.  They started as soon as they took power following the 2010 elections and they haven’t let up since.  I doubt they will relent going forward either.  Maybe they feel like they’re going to get voted out of office soon and they want to make hay while the sun’s shining.  I don’t know.

Actually, I wish the Democrats would legislate with as much vigor.

Republican governors on the hot seat.

Another new element is how far they’re trying to turn things back.  Conservatives always want to roll things back, but it seems like these guys want to go back to Dwight Eisenhower’s America.  I mean, anti-contraception?  Seriously?    Then there are things like the trans-vaginal ultrasounds and mandatory drug tests for people receiving unemployment (as well as anyone–who is poor–receiving government assistance).  They’re talking about moon colonies and poor kids cleaning their schools.  Mind you this is in the election immediately following the chickens for healthcare debacle.  It makes them seem very wacky.

It’s already turning people off.  The ultrasound bill looks like it’s been effectively killed.  Scott Walker is being recalled in Wisconsin.  John Kasich in Ohio and Rick Scott in Florida are teetering on the brink.  To top it off, the Republicans came out on the short end of the debt ceiling debate (which may be starting up again around election time).

Wisconsin voters not havin' it. (Feb. 16, 2011)

And for all their efforts, mainstream America is not happy with the Republicans.  Of course, no no one is happy with the Democrats either (although Obama’s labors are now starting to bear fruit).  But the Republicans have done a lot more to alienate voters. They are out of touch with what people are dealing with.  They are too openly supportive of big business.  And they’ve got enemies all over the electorate.

In the end, I think it will probably cost them the election.  And not just the presidency.

(Approval ratings image from:  Republican hopefuls image from:  Ron paul image from:  Wisconsin protestors image from:  Mittually assured destruction motivational from:  The governors image from:  The spanked woman image from:

Finally, A Loophole For Rapists!

Virginia State Senate Motto

As we all know, one of the biggest challenges we face as a society is coming up with a socially, and more importantly, legally acceptable excuse for raping a woman.

American juries consistently find the ever popular excuses she was asking for it or she wanted it irreconcilable in lieu of subsequent events, despite a woman’s dress, reputation, or behavior at the time. (Damn libs.)

Furthermore, the excuse that she don’t listen–while often true–is inexplicably regarded as insufficient cause for engaging in the forced penetration of an unwilling female.

In a perfect world, the truly free rapist would not have to resort to such harsh tactics as threats, intimidation, brutal violence, and murder.  Issues surrounding uppity women and male inadequacy could be resolved in a simple display of physical dominance.  Without shaming, without public mockery.  No more fleeing prosecution or fending off advances from amorous cellmates for exercising your God-given right to express your sexual superiority.  (I mean, can 20,000 years of human history be wrong?)

Well, fret no longer.

The ambitious and enlightened senators of the Virginia legislature have shown us the way.  In January, the Virginia State Senate passed a law requiring women seeking an abortion to undergo a mandatory trans-vaginal ultrasound.  In other words, before she can get a abortion–which is her legal right–she must be penetrated–with or without her consent–by an ultrasound wand in a procedure that serves no medical purpose whatsoever.  The legislators’ justification?  The women have it coming.  According to a Virginia legislator forced to speak on condition of anonimity, women seeking abortions, “consented to being penetrated when they got pregnant.”

Virginia State Legislature's Punishment for Harlotry

There’s the rub.  (And the Marquis De Sade himself couldn’t have said it any better.)

Rape can at least partially be defined as penetration without consent.  If consent is negated by previously engaging in sexual intercourse, every non-virgin woman is fair game!  (Sure, the strict Constitutionalists may demand impregnation as a stipulation, but Rick Santorum has some innovative ideas on precisely when life begins that should provide lots of wiggle room.  Besides, in the first trimester you can’t really tell.)

So, three cheers for the Virginia legislature.  *Sniff!* They’re all growns up and doing the rapists proud.

Now, throw that ski-mask and that duct tape in your backpack and get out there!

Happy hunting.

(Transvaginal ultrasound image from:  Misogyny image from:  Unified bitch theory image from:

The Chivalry of Rick Santorum

The battlefield roils.  Explosions erupt in the frighteningly near distance.  A gamut of firearms blurt angry chatter from vantages hidden by the smoky haze.  In the middle of it she stands, knock-kneed, heels akimbo, pack thrown to the ground, and her M16 dangling from the crook of her elbow like some clunky designer bag.  Wailing to the sky, she tries to pull fistfuls of her hair out at the root as the mascara streams black rivers down her face.

This is the inevitable fate from which hate-mongering presidential hopeful Rick Santorum hopes to spare our military servicewomen.

Marine Gunnery Sergeant Michelle Mollen could probably stomp a mudhole in Rick Santorum without really trying.

After a yearlong investigation, the Pentagon has decided to loosen its restrictions on women serving in combat…somewhat.  Female soldiers may now be permanently assigned to battalions in support positions.  They still can’t serve directly in combat, but they are allowed to be closer to the fighting.  This decision is not groundbreaking; it’s not even news.  Women have already served in these positions for years as “temporary” attachments.  It’s the job sector equivalent of passing your probationary period.

A young girl reacts upon hearing the future Rick Santorum has planned for her.

Not good enough for Santorum.  His incontrovertible authority on the psychological handicap that is womanhood has forced him to make the not-ludicrous assertion that women are too emotionally unstable for combat (sorry, for support in combat).

It seems Ol’ Santorum’s mercy–much like his bigotry–knows no bounds.

Never thought I’d miss the days of Dan “Potatoe” Quayle (or that he’d be such a harbinger of Republicans to come).

(Santorum image from:  Marine Gunnery Sargeant Michelle Mollen of the 2nd Battalion, 1st Marines Regiment image from:  Dan Quayle image from: